Saturday, October 1, 2011

A Good Wife Should....

Lately, I've been pondering about my role as a wife (that's still weird...good say). I think that everyone has different expectations of what wives should and shouldn't do. 

I'm pretty sure my grandma Lucy would say something like 'feed your husband and have lots of great grand kids for me.' Some people would consider pulling your own weight with the household income to be a given. Others may say to take care of the house and children. Sew, cook, bake, clean, wear heels on the carpet, you know.

The lines of expectations are kind of blurry for me. I'm still in school and will be for another two years. I have a graduate assistanship which takes up 20 hours a week, work my retail job on the weekends, and am at school all the time. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm fulfilling my wifely obligations (cooking, cleaning, etc.) when I come home from a 9 hour day at school and just want to sleep when I come through the door. 

The hubby and I, I think, have been doing a pretty good job of balancing all of the house chores, but with him working full time now, it's getting harder.

How do you handle all of your obligations? What are your expectations of a wife's role?


Jessica said...

Since I am at home most days, I feel it is more my responsibility to do dishes, sweep, etc. However, I've been working 30 hrs a week for West, plus sewing for the craft fair and dealing with cakes...most weeks I think i am actually working more hours then Bart, yet my duties are still heavier then his as far as household chores go...seems off balance to me. What might be a good idea is to make a list of what you and Justin want to accomplish as far as house hold duties go each week, then divide them up between the two of you. Or...learn to let little things go from time to time. I wash laundry throughout the week but only fold/put away on Tuesdays. Yes, I get baskets of laundry in the basement waiting to be folded, but I find I can't handle doing it all the's too much time/work for night, a movie, and it's DONE. Just find out what works best for you.

Kristy | Bulk Roses Co said...

I think that if you are happy you'll make your family happy... at first I was so concerner about keeping everything clean and neat that I soon became so strict and rigid... so now.. maybe everything is not perfectly position but we live a nice and relaxed life :D

Katie E. said...

I like Jessie's idea of making a weekly list and dividing it up. I am a non-working SAH mom so I do most of the house stuff, but if I were working we would be splitting it down the middle. My hubs and I try to have a "business meeting" once a week to discuss everything from budgets, to household projects, scheduling, chores, special events, basically everything in our life. It makes it easier to keep each other in the loop if you set aside some time strictly for that. I also don't get mad at him for not knowing things, because we have discussed it.

It is hard to find the balance during the first months of marriage, because you have been doing things a certain way for a long time, and now you both have to let the other do the way they do things (I'm a control freak so that bothers me.)

You can also make a list of what you feel like are wifely duties, and then divide it into realistic and not. Then work to perform the realistic duties, and figure out why the unrealistic "duties" are unrealistic right now. Maybe they can be worked back in after graduation. Realize that your duties will change as your marriage and lives change.

One thing you can do as a "wifely duty," is to think of some little special something you can do for your husband at least once a month. For me, I will usually arrange for a sitter, or surprise the hubs with his favorite candy, or a drink from Sonic, or a love note. (Shaving my legs sometimes falls into the surprise category as well unfortunately). I have found that by making him feel special, I feel so much happier.

This is super long and disjointed, but I hope maybe it helps. Be nice and love each other and lots of things will work out. Love you lots!